I went into the chapel and opened up the browser on my phone to BlessedIsShe's daily devotion, which all you ladies should check out. The day's reflection was called On the Journey based on Luke 9:1-6 and asked, "How is God calling you to proclaim the Kingdom?"
Honestly, this has been a question I have been struggling with myself lately. I have been struggling to find my worth in the Lord when I haven't been able to serve His Kingdom in an intentional ministry. I work a job with crazy hours and find myself with a couple hours in the afternoon to work on school work and then a couple in the evening to try and relax and prepare for my next 4:30 am wake-up call.
As I was driving home this week, a phrase came to me about what I'm gaining from this semester at home: daily virtue. I am constantly doing the opposite of what I want to do. I do not want to wake up at 4:30 to make it work on time. I do not want to make my bed before I've even had time for coffee. I do not want to pray a Rosary in the morning when I barely have the brain cells to form sentences. I do not want to work on my school work during my break from work.
More than anything, I do not want to answer this call I have to love others unceasingly. It is so difficult to love my mom when I'm exhausted and dinner isn't ready yet. It is so difficult to love my students' parents when they come to pick them up long day and get frustrated because I have to tell them they have a late fee on their account. It is so difficult to love my friends when I've had a long day and so have they and they call me needing to vent about it and all I want to do is turn my brain off. Sometimes it feels like I am up to my eyeballs in the love I know I need to give to others. I am in a battle with myself to fight this sour attitude I so easily fall into.
But. BUT.
Jesus has given me what I need for the journey. He says, "Take nothing for the journey."
He is asking me to trust that He will provide. And he does.
These intangible graces have become something I witness everyday when I chose to love. These abstract concepts turn into actions rooted in love. These monotonous tasks become daily virtues. This is what I need for the journey.
Christ gives me the graces to give others the benefit of the doubt. I have to understand the parent that was short with me this evening probably had a rough day at work. After 8 hours, this is not what they wanted to deal with. These are my sandals for the journey. He has given me the grace to walk in another person's shoes.
I am often so tired in the mornings during my prayer time. My Rosary is rough and often marked with yawning throughout it. This Tuesday, I did not want to do my morning Rosary. After much protesting, I began and realized that it was the Sorrowful mysteries. How selfish I realized I can become. Jesus has given me a walking stick to lean on when I grow weary on this journey. He has given me the Cross.
Jesus has provided me with directions to lead me towards Eternal life. Each day, as I seek Him in prayer and the monotony of life, I grow a little more in virtue. I gain a little more grace. I love a little more and begin to let go of the expectations I hold for how my life is supposed to be. The next turn and stop along the way are given day by day. I have to trust that He's leading me on a journey that is the surest way to Heaven.
Daily virtue is a struggle to accept. But I have found my worth and value in the small sacrifices I make and graces I gain day by day. My proclamation of the Kingdom right now is not a shout, but a constant whisper of the truth learned through seeking the Extraordinary in my ordinary days. My purpose is simple. My ministry is in the people I am called to love every single day. If I am intentional in loving, then I am answering my call to serve Jesus and proclaim His Kingdom exactly as He called me.
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| Praise the Lord for inspiring me to choose St. Therese of Lisieux as my Confirmation Saint. |
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